Perfection Paralysis
It can be difficult to start a project when we mentally sabotage the ability to do it. We know that we are capable, that we have thought through the task, that the best way to start is to take the first step. But sometimes we intimidate ourself with our own expectations. This idea of having such grandiose goals not only for our project but even more so for ourself, that we stop ourself from starting out of fear of falling short of those expectations, is the idea of perfection paralysis.
Perfect is the enemy of good. -Voltaire
Self Conception
In the world of our own perspective, we might imagine that we are amazing. Not only have we been told by various adorers throughout our life that our accomplishments are something to be proud of, that they impress and make us greater than average. But also we have begun to believe this image of ourself: we have insider knowledge of the great ideas we can conceive, the plans that could be, the recognition we might receive. And this image can call to us like a siren, inviting us to imagine what could be. Maybe we talk about plans for another life or even more practically the years after we retire. Wishful thinking, in the subjunctive mood, contrary to our reality. But this image is real to us, bigger than life, because it need not fit within the practical restraints of actually being lived. So with this grandiose image of ourself, we might sometimes mix reality with what could be.
Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without. -Confucius
Perfection or Nothing
Either we are superachievers, or we are shit. So each effort grows larger than individual projects, since they are the efforts of this perfect being. They must reflect this perfection and be cause for praise. Even the laundry must be done perfectly, since any action of the divine is divinely done. A perfect being would not fall short in anything they do. The perfectionist carefully plans the steps for future actions, dreaming of what might be possible, with designs that imagine skilled craftsmanship in anything they do. For past actions, perhaps there was something wrong in the reasoning, intuition, or virtuosity, and those mistakes play over in their mind like horror films when the perfectionist has trouble sleeping. How embarrassing! The goal of many projects evolve from the projects in themselves to the projects as a reflection of the maker: do they cause pride or shame?
Striving to better, oft we mar what’s well. -Shakespeare
Anxiety
Under the comparison of what is and what could be, we dream of the possibilities; in this comparison to the possibilities, the reality looks rather bleak. How do we pick which reality to pursue? We are asked rather early in life to pick a specialization, with the knowledge that skills and credentials can take years to master. Why must we pick from possibilities a realistic number to pursue, when they all seem tempting? When avenues might be in conflict, or split our skill focus, or dedicate us towards a hyperfocus, our greedy tendency is not powerful enough to overcome these issues of practicality. Why would we pick the ones that are obtainable, when the superheroes of life picked unbelievable goals and reached success as mortals? Society seems to idolize the individuals who were in the right place at the right time, who gambled all of their resources and more, who had the one idea that thirty years later made them a name everyone who follows the news knows. These pressures can be anxiety inducing. We want to have it all, and we want to have all of it be perfect, impressive, up to our standard, since we would only pursue something that would be worthy of our self image.
Result: Inaction
And so we often find ourself on the precipice of action, in a state of anxiety induced inaction. It is a sad state of impotence. Potential energy bottled up, busting to be freed, yet prevented by the fear of potency and the fear of failure. But most of all the fear of destroying the imagined image of beauty so adoringly yet fragilely maintained.