Confrontation: Facing Ourself
It is difficult to confront ourself—to look at the beauty and the ugliness. It makes sense: when we were in grade school we had to do math homework or else earn a bad grade. We struggled through it, with seemingly little reward—we had to show our work, there was a right answer and hard work sometimes did not arrive at it, and now in our adult life it seems there are few instances when trigonometry or calculus pay dividends. But one thing great about being an adult: we no longer have grades to keep us working uphill and growing. Without accountability, we are our own master. Sure, we have obligations to family and work, but nothing stops us from quitting. We can choose to invest ourself in learning something new, focusing on a hobby, or relaxing. So why would we choose to work on ourself unless we want to? We pick activities that generally make us happy, whether it is going to the gym, making crafts, volunteering to help the needy; we seek out occupations where the reward is tangible. In contrast, if we lacked emotional education in our youth, if we failed to learn how to manage a healthy lifestyle, if we consider reading and critical thinking the homework of our youth that was really just done out of obligation, in the freedom of adulthood we find joy in not working on these things. We might excuse the work as “just not for us” or claim outside forces such as victimhood.
It is real work to confront ourself, look for the beauty and the ugliness, and resolve to know ourself, to accept ourself, to recognize the beauty, or to make an effort to change the ugliness. Thus, we rather avoid self reflection altogether. After all, why inflict the feeling of having algebra homework again? We are content in our little world.